I fell in love with you

Because I fell in love with you because

I fell in love with you because I fell in love with you

because I fell in love

with you because I fell in love with you

because I fell

in love with you because I fell in

love

with you because I fell in love with you because

I fell in love

with you because I fell in love with you because

I fell in love with

you

because I fell in love

with you

because I fell in love

with you

because I fell

in love

with you

because I fell in love with you

because I fell in love with you because

I fell in

love

with you

And I say it

17 times because

17 is a prime number

(it is indivisible)

And I say it

because

I cannot hide it like

a sore thumb or a hard-on

And I say it because I

cannot keep myself from saying I fell in love with you

because I fell in love with you because

I fell in love with you because I fell

in love with you

because I fell in love with you

because I fell

in love with you because I fell in love

with you

because

my mind runs around like

a mad dog. So

go deep

on me

go hard on me

because

-ni Makoy Dakuykoy

In haste I bought Junichiro Tanizaki's In Praise of Shadows.

The book is an essay on aesthetics, a Japanese reflection about architecture, jade, food, toilets and space in buildings. Tanizaki thought about the concussion between the shadows of traditional Japanese interiors and the brilliant light of modernization of everything.

Bakit Michael Crichton?

Ang ganda kasing diversion ng mga nobela niya. Hindi ung usual na binabasa kong poetry books. Ung mga akda niya, may langkap ng science, thriller, suspense. Nosebleed man ako sa halos lahat ng terms, na nakakatuwang isipin na sa panahon ngayon, parang wala ng imposible sa mga sinasabi niyang hi-tech gadgets sa mga kuwento. Parang lahat, posible na, at baka nagawa na ng mga imbentor.

I particularly like his novel "Rising Sun." Iba ung approach niya dito, kaiba sa mga naunang nabasa ko nang libro niya. Nagulat ako kasi nagustuhan ko itong libro, to think na nagdadalawang-isip pa ako nung binili ko ito. Mukha kasing hindi maganda ang plot. Detective novel kasi, at hindi sci-fi thriller katulad ng Sphere at Lost World.

Hindi ko pa natatapos basahin itong nobelang ito, at talagang napupuyat ako dahil dito. Hehe.

Omens

Louise Gluck

I rode to meet you: dreams
like living beings swarmed around me
and the moon on my right side
followed me, burning.

I rode back: everything changed.
My soul in love was sad
and the moon on my left side
trailed me without hope.

To such endless impressions
we poets give ourselves absolutely,
making, in silence, omen of mere event,
until the world reflects the deepest needs of the soul.



-after Alexander Pushkin

High school grad photo. Possible also that this was her grad photo after she finished her vocational class.

I'm not sure kung bakit sa bubong ng bahay siya nagpa-picture. Pwede naman sa garden.

When I saw this photo, I thought she joined the Miss Linggas Dayat contest. Hindi raw. The gown was her project for her vocational class. Her batch modeled their own works. I saw this gown pa noon in its splendour, bago mangatngat ng mga daga.

I was chatting with Evan's friend's mom the other day. Her son is also 3 years old like Evan. She was relating to me the tough time she had been having with her son's defiance and contrariness. Hmmm... that surely sounded familiar.

Cat In The Hat interviewing Batman about his utility belt.

Evan was exactly like that for two weeks. Tell him "no" and he will yell at you. Give him a scolding and he will "blow raspberries" (almost spittinglike) as defiance. Meltdown in the middle of the street for all the neighbors to hear? Yup, we had several of that. I recently browsed a book "Your Three Old: Friend Or Enemy" and that exactly what our relationship for the past month has been like. Now, since last week, we are buddies again.

I nodded sympathetically at what the other mom was saying, then something occurred to me and I shared it with her. "You know, somebody have told me that these moods are like waves. Some weeks they are contrary and other weeks they are very cooperative. But what I have noticed with Evan was that after the days of being difficult he sort of hits a milestone and what follows are really good changes."

Like he is much more calm not when we are outdoors. He actually holds my hand willingly, walks on the sidewalk and enjoy a conversation with me. The first time this happened was when he got bored on the small, deserted playground and I invited him to walk with me in the neighborhood, to wade through fallen leaves and look at decorated houses. And we did that, and we both had fun. We were doing something what grown-ups would do!

There was the other "first times" too the night when I told Evan to put all his toys in a box, left his room and when I came back, there wasn't a single toy on the floor. Or when I handed him his briefs and pants and when I came back he wasn't in his room anymore but in the living room wearing the said underwear and bottoms. Or when I did grocery with him no longer seated at the cart (at his request) but walking along with me and having fun pushing the cart, helping me put the vegetables inside the plastic bag. Or when he didn't go crazy at the toy section in Target but did look at the toys one by one and chose only one of the cheaper toys that I told him that he can have (I told him big, expensive toys are only for birthdays and christmas).

I really thought that Evan would be whining during Halloween with all the other kids in their Superhero costumes, but he didn't at all. What he would do was just follow them around, ask questions about their costumes ("Batman, is that your utility belt?" "Ironman, is that your mask?" "Buzz, are you a superhero?"), complimenting them ("Nice Flash costume!") but he never whined to my relief.

This morning we were at the library's foyer and Evan was putting around 10 books back in the return slot. An older gentleman stopped and jokingly asked me, "how much are you paying him?" I laughed. He complimented, "he is really doing a good job. I wish I taught my daugher how to do that." I do remember another friend bemoaning the fact how her now 9 year old daughter was lazy in fixing her room or even getting water from the fridge. My friend regrets of not training her when she was younger partly because it was faster when the parent's does it themselves, "we treated her like a princess for too long when actually they love to help around the younger they are."

And I can see it in Evan now. Having him underfoot while vacuuming, doing the laundry or dishes, dusting the house may make doing the chores longer but it is play for him. And learning too. Another wave might come in a few weeks or so again but knowing the positive developments that comes after it makes riding out the tough preschooler mood swings all worthwhile.

i don't really like to wake up in the morning without looking forward to doing something. i hate the feeling of looking for an activity to be busy with. others may be saying that it's fun to be going on a stress free day, hassle free one. but i ain't really like that. ever since college, i made to it that i expect a schedule to come up to my face as soon my eyes open. and i've said this to a number of friends. and they told me i'm weird. basta anything that's worth paying attention to, it's fine.

if i may analyze the culture or more appropriately, the practice of the Filipinos, i would say that a number of Filipinos are fond of this happy-go-lucky attitude. i never miss a day seeing the roads of manila with tambays or "stand-by's". i am certain they have things they can be busy with regardless if they're jobless. there's household chores or errands, but maybe they oblige themselves to do the manyana habit.  i definitely despise that. however on my end, i don't lfeel like being busy with household chores. i think i was born for greater things. that's why i entrust my laundry to the laundry shops, the car to car wash boys ...and my paper works to Liezel. but of course i give her a hand on that.

(sigh)i do not know how i will solve this problem. or is it a problem at all? maybe it's time to know some more people so i can expand my network. and that i must establish maybe a business or a small institution that will make me busy everyday. like today, i don't have anything to look forward to. we won't be going to baclaran anymore since we already went last night. and i'm avoiding malls...definitely a no!

the business thing maybe not so soon though. there's a lot of things coming up. the second semester is gonna unfold. and that would mean work. like what celebrities usually, all they do is work work work. they aren't complaining. they're bragging. photoshoot for work? tv guesting for work? endorsements for work? not bad eh. i went with a friend to do a photoshoot at the poolside of araneta colisum for his endorsement of Fern C on friday. in less than an hour...an instant P8k. really not bad. that's barely what someone would make in a month's work right? now no one will wonder if there's a pile of people lining up for big brother or survivor.... that can probably be the road to "work".